When Plans Break Down

The message I preached for my small group, plus the invited guests did not go nearly as well as I had planned. I don't even mean that to say that it didn't go how I had hoped, I really mean that it didn't even go as well as when I had practiced it earlier in the evening.

The actual delivery was 10 minutes longer and had 40% different material than how I had practiced it.

When I finished, and was sitting in a different room so others could evaluate me, and I simply felt depressed. It just didn't feel like I had done a good job.

I'm still evaluating what to do with these feelings, but I don't think I did a good job with this sermon. There is a part of me that thinks I wasted too many people's time.

I'm being pretty harsh on myself, but that's pretty normal for me. Acknowledging that, I usually don't feel this depressed even when I know that a message has not gone well.

In time, I'll find something to learn from this experience that will make me a better communicator forever, I just hope that thing also helps me irradiate the depressing feeling I have.

Historical Significance

I'm well aware of the phrase, those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. However, that isn't enough motivation to interest me in learning history through chronological lecture.

I just haven't found any history class i've ever taken to be interesting. I find myself bored. The unfortunate part is, I want to learn about specific parts of history.

That doesn't mean i want to memorize dates or names, but i do want to understand people and situations. I just haven't found a class that teaches any kind of history that way yet.

Association Maintained

Jenny and I live in a house that belongs to an association. The association doesn't take care of much, and has pretty reasonable dues, but nonetheless is not our ideal situation.

That is, except times like this morning. We woke up with our driveway already plowed for us and our street clear. Later in the day, they came back and shoveled our sidewalks and finished the driveway more completely.

In the summer, it is fun at times to take a nap and wake up with the lawn mowed. At those times, we love our association.

Today was one of those days.

Odd Office Dynamics

Jenny and I have a computer desk in the office. Our printer and scanner make their home there. The computer however (a laptop) rests most often on our dining room table as then the t.v. is accessible while on the computer.

Tonight, Jenny was going to scan in some pictures to put into some coasters we have. It was only natural then, that she unhooked the scanner and brought it to the dining room. Then, when it was time to print, she unhooked the computer and carried it to the office to bring it back out again.

Jenny hopes someday that the computer is housed on its desk.

I have no such ambition.

Under the Weather

By guidance of the snow storm expected to be taking place all day Saturday, Saturday has officially been declared an inside day.

If you want to see me, you have to be at my house as rules state I cannot go outside.

I'm hoping to watch movies, eat, sleep, play, rinse and repeat.

I'm also hoping to finalize some of the details for Tuesday night when I preach for my small group plus the people that they have invited.

This preaching assignment is different than any I've ever done before. It walks a weird balance between being an assignment and being an opportunity. In class, we know everyone is evaluating us, and that they have to be there. This time, everyone will still be evaluating me, but it is people who have chosen to come hear me preach. The difference, though subtle, is quite impacting on the setting and on my expectations.

The Socks Are Missing

Our washer and dryer have a knack for eating socks. Funny thing is, they only eat Jenny's socks, and within a week, we find them, however, Jenny is always missing socks when the laundry gets done.

It's funny some days to put my arm through the sleeve of my shirt and have my hand come out grasping one of her feet warmers. It surprises me every time, though with 2 per load of laundry, I don't know why I'm surprised anymore.

Becoming the Enemy

I signed up for courses today to get my soccer referee license.

I am becoming something I've always despised. I'm sure I'll never be as bad as any of the people who reffed my games though.

I need to start building my thick skin now.

Noble Cause

Jenny and I think about often and have begun discussing finding the "thing" to support throughout our lives.

We support our church, and other organizations and people as needs are presented, but are looking for a cause to support routinely.

Like many people with AIDS in Africa, or healthy drinking water in third world countries, we are hoping to find something to be a lifelong cause of ours.

If you know of any good ones, let us know.

Tuesdays with Nate

The next three Tuesdays are all days that I have to give sermons. Tomorrow in class i'll be giving one on the sinful nature and fruits of the spirit (it won't be as boring as it sounds). The next Tuesday night (Feb. 27) is the one i'm giving at my adult small group. It is open for others to come. Let me know if you are interested and I can give you details.

The following Tuesday is a sermon in class again. A first person narrative of the prodigal son story, only we have to re-write the story for modern day times. We can't actually be a Bible character, we have to be someone now, and make up the story to have the same theology as the prodigal son story. This one will be quite interesting and challenging for me. I have an idea of the story i want to tell, but getting good enough to tell it in the first person will be quite a task.

Good luck me.

God help me. (that is a serious request)

Sport Withdrawal

Soccer starts in two Sundays. I don't know what to do without sports on a Sunday after church.

It won't be long.

Back to homework.

Open It

Cast Away was on ABC tonight. Jenny had never seen the whole thing so we spent the evening watching it.

I promised her that if I was ever on a deserted island with "x" number of FedEx boxes that I would open every one of them. I see no need to save one.

I can't reason with myself in any way that the possible use of what is inside is less valuable than leaving it unopened.

Wouldn't you open all of them?

Left or Right?

I spent most of my day today studying Hebrew. I've got a hefty assignment due on Wednesday, part of which includes reading and highlighting an entire grammar syntax book.

There isn't much fun in reading this book. Though there are occasionally nuggets of interest.

One of those occurs when it comes to giving directions in Hebrew. Though there are words for "North, South, East and West" in the Hebrew language, they are not used when giving someone directions. Instead, it is assumed someone is facing East, and you give them directions based on that.

Thus, to tell someone they need to travel North for 15 miles, you would instruct them to go left for fifteen miles.

South would be to the right, and West requires someone to turn around.

There is an interesting nugget from a Hebrew grammar syntax book for you.

What a long day it has been.

Planning becomes Accomplishing

After spending all day yesterday and three hours today preparing to build some walls, the 6 hours we spent building the walls seemed very productive.

It's amazing what using the right tools will do as opposed to the hard way, and it is always effective to have two minds checking each other as many errors would have been made otherwise.

If we re-did everything we accomplished today, we would probably only do one thing different, and its not a huge thing. That said, my day felt successful building walls in someone else's house.

More Than Just Legos

I'm helping a friend frame in his basement. The two of us combined don't have all the knowledge we need, but we have a book, and a phone full of resources.

I'm glad that this project is taking place in someone else's house, with someone else's money, as it is pretty much trial and error.

The fixes won't be as easy as they would had we been building a lego house.

Flu Deaths

What is with this string of the flu? Watching the news tonight (I was at my parents house, so it was on instead of Friends) they were reporting the newest flu death, a firefighter. This is no longer the string of young children, or elderly people, whose immune systems aren't up to par that have died to this string. This is a perfectly healthy firefighter.

Trust me, I don't get scared about these things. I'm not about to go buy a bio-hazard kit, or submit to a sky is falling mentality, but what happens to a virus strain that makes it this much more powerful than past viruses?

I'm a SleepyHead

Many of you know that I like my sleep. Here is my best example.

Sunday afternoon I took a three hour nap. When Sunday night came around, and my wife was going to bed I thought, I suppose if I go to bed now, I won't need to set an alarm to wake me up to start doing homework.

I wasn't aiming to get up early, but I'll sleep past noon most days if I don't set an alarm. I figured, I'd wake up around noon or before because of the nap I had taken and because I was going to bed earlier than I usually do.

I slept for 15 hours. I didn't make it up before noon. It was 3:30 before I woke up. 15 hours, the night after I had had a 3 hour nap.

I really like my sleep.

Worship Necessity

There are weeks at my church where I help staff the "welcome center." Doing so requires me to be out of the service for most of its functions, though the sermon time is usually audible and uninterupted. Today, during that part of service, while I was standing in the hallway listening to the sermon, I had a couple of questions for myself.

What are the necessary parts of a worship gathering? This question is vague, as I believe worship happens in many settings without parameters, but what are my non-negotiables when it comes to a church service?

Is musical worship supposed to be a norm? What about announcements? How about the teaching time? The offering? Baptisms? Communion? Time to greet people?

I'm not saying that churches can't alter things on a specific week to meet a specific need, but what kind of norm do I expect? What is it that I won't negotiate on when it comes to a community worship gathering?

Think about it. I'd love for you to respond.

How much do you think personality affects your choice?

No More Fun

With a two week break in classes, I took the first week off to do no work.

I can't afford that luxury this week.

I've got two books to read, three papers to write and a bunch of Hebrew homework to do.

If you want to join me, let me know. If you want to distract me, I might even be game for that.

Overnight Bag

My wife is gone to a training this weekend with work, so I'm without help again. My overnight bag today consisted of a Bible, a Rubik's Cube, my journal, and a beanie so I wouldn't have to do my hair tomorrow.

Jenny will have a lot of work to do with me when she gets back.

600 Songs

After getting thoroughly made fun of for having 117 sermons on my ipod (to listen to while i run) but no songs at all, I finally spent a day putting most of my cds onto my ipod.

You can all rest assured that I now have 600 songs to ignore while i listen to sermons when I run.

I'm different, I get it, but i'm okay with it.

Living without the shock factor

We have a de-humidifier in our basement. It is necessary. I enjoy having it there.

Two days ago, Jenny asked me to go to the basement and get our humidifier out of storage and bring it upstairs to the living room. With the dry air in our house upstairs, we had noticed an inordinate amount of static shock going on. We now have a de-humidifier in the basement, and a humidifier in the living room. This, my mind gets puzzled over.

A part of me thinks I should only be able to put water in the humidifier that has been taken in by the de-humidifier. But that would be a lot more work than the system now, so I quiet my mind with caffeine or television or sleep. That way, all of me is happy.

Fruits of the Spirit

My mind has extensively been focused on the fruits of the Spirit recently (Found in Galatians 5 if you're looking).

It is my goal to make these more evident in my life. I struggle specifically with self-control and joy. Those two are the hardest for me to "force" into my emotional cycle.

The self-control part is hard, because, well, I like living by my natural feelings. This is easily just one I struggle with a lot.

The joy one is different because it is harder for me to see its value. I wouldn't describe myself as "unhappy" or a pity to be around, but I also don't think "joy" categorizes my life. The other fruits (like love, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness etc.) seem so all or nothing. Joy doesn't seem that way to me, or at least if it is, I fail miserably at it.

Does anyone have any strategies (outside the obvious get closer to the Spirit thing) that will help me make joy more evident?

Art of my story

One of my favorite, possibly my number one favorite, but nonetheless on a short list, is the story of Nehemiah rebuilding the wall found in the book of the Bible named after him. It is an amazing story of resilience and determination, not on behalf of one person, but on behalf of an entire society.



Reading through another person's blog today, I found a link to a website that has the best artwork I have ever seen for this story. Someday I would love a large version of this artwork on canvass hanging in my office.


You can find it below:

When Will I See You Again

It was enjoyable watching the Colts win the Superbowl today, and though my wife was rooting for them, it probably wasn't the best thing that the game marked for her.

Instead, she is probably overjoyed that the next bunch of Sundays won't be filled with football. She will rejoice in having my attention, at least as an option, for the next few months of Sundays.

Until summer soccer starts, I don't know what to do Sundays after church. I guess i'll have to find something amusing to do.

Congratulations Indy.

I'm Turning Into My Father

I have never claimed to be a perfectionist when it comes to anything besides maybe playing soccer, and then, i'm a perfectionist by will only, not by action.

My father is a perfectionist. Tonight is evidence he has rubbed off on me. I just got finished unclogging our kitchen sink, and as I was putting the pieces of pipe back together, I knew that the plumbing tape had probably worn out enough that a slight (and I mean very slight) drip might remain after a lot of water runs through the pipe. When we installed new bathroom faucets last year, this slight drip was enough to make my dad take the pipes apart again and redo the tape.

So thanks dad. Now tomorrow I need to go buy some more plumbing tape, and re-fit the pipes tomorrow night or Monday during the day.

Funny thing is, the drip would never bother me. My wife would only notice because i'd tell her and probably never besides that. But my dad has imparted himself upon me, so I'll actually fix it. I won't even let myself put things back under the sink right now.

Thanks Dad.

Lost in Acadamia

There aren't a lot of theological discussions that I sit in on that are hard for me to follow. I have a pretty solid grasp of most theological positions out there. Today I got lost.

In a reading group for Seminary, I was surrounded by people whose academic look at a certain theology (Christological Pre-Existence) was far beyond my ability. I could follow the argument of the specific book we had read, but was left in the dust when it came to comprehension of others views. I simply don't know what the unbelieving German scholars think about this issue. When the discussion turned to other ways to argue for or against this subject, I was left treading water. I'm not used to that when it comes to theology.

On a weirder note, I can't decide if I want to put myself on a path to understand those things (this would likely drive my profession towards professor more than pastor) or if i'm comfortable letting those things remain above my head (which is a completely wonderful place).

I've been thinking a lot lately about two major options, Pastoring vs. Professoring. Both excite me tremendously. One is harder to do, in my opinion (senior pastoring) but easier to prepare for (academically), while one becomes easier to do (professor) but requires much more preparation academically.

I feel gifted for both areas, and likely will find overlap (i'd guest speak and be highly involved as a professor, or teach adjunct classes as a pastor) but have not clear decision or direction on which area I'm being led.

All of your thoughts, insights, wisdom, and prayers are appreciated.

Almost Break Time

After 1 more day of classes, i'll be on my two week reading break. We won't have classes for two weeks, though many classes have assigned extra assignments during that period.

I'll likely spend as much time studying, but I get to sleep in every day, instead of just most days.

Look for me to be doing lots of Hebrew and writing lots of book interaction papers. Also, i'll be writing three sermons, one of which is open for any of you to come see.