Examples Matter

I'm 26, married and have a college degree. It won't be long until I have a Master's degree. But I can't outgrow some things.

My parents still teach me things with their lives. They might not know it, they might not be choosing their actions because of it, but the example they set helps me to know what the world should be like.

Both of my grandfathers are physically unable. What they are physically unable to do differs, and the extent of their dependency differs, but both of them need outside assistance to live daily life. Here is the funny thing, I've never heard a complaint that either of them didn't "deserve" something.

It isn't hidden that things are different for my parents. When they go home to "visit," their trips aren't as social or relaxing as they used to be. In fact, their trips constitute lots of work. But they haven't stopped. They haven't chosen not to go. They drop whatever they can to be where they are needed. I don't hear them saying that this is something that they "have" to do, nor do I hear them say that this is something they "want" to do. Their arms are only twisted by their insides. By the fact that they are human, and they see another human, whom they have unexplainable love for, in need.

I haven't ever talked openly with my parents about some of the things I observe. I see the tension they have in figuring out how to help their parents as they live in a different state. How to balance the tension of family back home, where they grew up, and family out here, where they live. Sons vs. fathers. Daughters-in-law vs. siblings. My parents live in this tension. That inspires me. Not because they have figured out some great way to avoid it and solve every problem, but because as I watch them I know this for sure, THEIR LIVES ARE NOT ABOUT THEMSELVES. They chose other people. They actually feel bad when they have to ask one of their siblings to step in somewhere they can't.

They don't understand what it would be like not to help. I know my brother feels the same way as I do when I think about my future. I don't have a choice. Life isn't about me. It will always be about my spouse, and my family. It will be my job to live in tension trying to figure out how to best show love and meet needs of the people I can't describe my love for. I don't look forward to that tension, but I'm not afraid of it. I've got great examples to follow.

If you're a parent of someone and you are reading this, remember one thing...

No matter your child's age, or their current status of connectedness to you, your example still makes a difference in their life. They are still watching and learning.