Here I Am, Send Me

Isaiah 6:8:
"Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"

This is a powerful verse found in the scriptures when Isaiah is getting called into his prophetic ministry. It is often quoted by people affirming that they are willing to serve, willing to go, willing to be God's tool with their lives.

I couldn't help but reflect on this verse tonight. It wasn't drawn to me while I was reading (since i'm actually reading through the book of John and the Psalms), but was brought to my head as I struggled with my life in its current form.

There are times I miss being a pastor. Times I miss teaching groups of people. Times I miss "leading" a group of people forward, both as a group and as individuals. It isn't even that i think any of these things have stopped, i still believe i'm teaching people, still believe i'm leading certain groups, and still believe i'm helping individuals move forward, but some of the structure is missing. Some of the blatant, I'm your tool, use me here and now is missing from my confidence. I want to be used again. I want to be sent. My heart cries, God, here i am, send me. Not an acceptance of a goal, but a plea for an opportunity.

There are things I want to lead. I know some people that I want to show how to have a daily relationship with God through prayer and his word. I want to show them what it looks like to fill themselves of him daily, not because I do it perfectly, or because i have it figured out well, but because it is important to me, i've found methods that work, and i'm comfortable with the uniqueness that will be each person's individual relationship.

There are people who I want to draw into a deeper place of commitment, through group times of fasting and celebration. I want to see Christ move in people's and my own life as we surrender all to Him and trust on Him alone. I want to lead people in this who are scared to do it on their own, or don't know what kinds of benefits fasting might provide.

It's not really that i want to "lead." I simply want to be God's tool. I see so many around me who I know want to grow closer to God, want to have a more meaningful personal relationship with Him, but haven't moved closer. They are either comfortable where they are now, don't think they have the time, or simply don't know what to do. I want to be a tool for those people. A resource that helps people see God more clearly. A life that draws people into a deeper relationship with Christ than they could have imagined.

I want it to be true of my own life, and i want my life to leak over into others.

But I have some hiccups. I will not force myself on anyone who has not invited me in. I'm not simply going to tell "person x", "hey, i really think you should read God's word more." I will help anyone who invites me to do so, with the understanding that I can't change things, just might be able to help. I would love to tell people more openly where I think they can grow, but can't seem to figure out to deal with the fact that i've somehow judged them. That i've assumed things about their relationship with God and their life that I have no right to evaluate. Once they invite me in, i'll be as open as blunt as i feel necessary (tactfully i hope) to help them move forward, but won't cross that line without either invitation (most likely) or God's direct command (most drastically).

For now, I simply cry...God, here I am, send me. Send me to someone who I can draw closer to you. Send me to someone whose time spent with me will encourage their faith. Send me to a place where your name is glorified. Send me to someone willing to struggle. Send me to someone who wants more. Send me to someone who is trying to figure out what it is all about. Send me to someone who just doesn't know how to organize their life around you and your teachings.

I'd even be happy if God simply sent someone to me. Someone to ask, "Nate, what's your story? What has helped you grow closer to God in your life? What kind of things might I do to experience God more vibrantly?" Someone to say "God, I want what he has. Use him to teach me. Use him to help me move forward." Someone to say "Nate, what do you see about my life that you think i need to let go of." Simply someone to say, "Nate, lets have lunch, i'd love to talk to you about a couple things."

Send Me.