A Peek Into Our Past

A couple of years ago, I got Jenny a camera for Christmas. Her next birthday, I bought her a scanner. With that scanner, I told her we would go take pictures of places and things that were significant to our relationship. I picked what all the pictures would be and told her I would write something about each picture as to why I picked it.



It took her over a year to finally get all the pictures to look the way she wanted to (she's a perfectionist sometimes). That means I got a lot of grace as to when I write about each picture. I decided to write about one of them tonight. They are written for Jenny and I to remember things about when we are dating, so the jumping in tense and time makes sense to us because it is from our past. It bothers me as a writer that these stories jump tenses, but since they aren't written because i'm a writer but a lover (I like the sound of that) I let it go. I hope you can too.



I actually take the time to edit these, but haven't edited this one yet. I might not ever edit the blog copy, because i'll instead edit the copy saved on our computer. I just figured i'd share this one with you all so you know a little more about our past, and because it is fun to surprise Jenny and she'll read this sometime randomly after returning from New Orleans.

“I Wanna Hold Your Hand”

“WHAT!!! We have to change that right now!” Jay exclaimed in a way that only “Big Poppa” can.
“You’ve never held a guys hand before?” I exclaimed more than asked. I was too stunned at this comment to let it go by unexamined.

“Never,” responded Jenny stoically.

“Not even when you were playing a game, or praying in a circle?”

“No, I’ve held guys hands then, just not with, you know, the fingers interlaced.”

“That makes things more intimate?” This time I was asking sincerely. I had never thought critically before about the difference in holding a girls hand with the fingers interlaced vs. not. I was curious as to how someone could see such a stark contrast in the two.

“What would it take to get you to hold a guys hand right now? Just to walk up the stairs or something…” Jay was more concerned on Jenny having this new experience and it was now his duty to accomplish this. It was his new dinner goal.

“They’ll have to sing me the song.” You could sense a little sarcasm in her voice, but not enough to make Jay think she was completely joking.

“Which song?” Jay asked thinking she was serious.

“The ‘hold your hand song.’” Jenny’s answer did not satisfy Jay.

“You mean the Beatles song?” I finally found use for growing up on the oldies.

“That’s the one.”

I don’t exactly remember what else took place in the conversation that afternoon. I know Jay kept trying to convince Jenny to hold my hand that day, and quickly gave up after the meal was over. I was focused instead on logging in my brain that Jenny said a guy would have to sing her “the song” before he could hold her hand. Though she said it sarcastically, I knew I would need to remember it.

A couple months later, Christmas came and I decided to give Jenny the 12 days of Christmas all in one day. Filled with things like the 6th Sense to cover #6, dinner reservations at 7:00 for #7, 11 packets of Kool-Aid, a dozen roses and numerous other gifts, I covered them all. The only important one to remember now is #4.

“I Wanna Hold Your Hand” is song number 4 on the Beatles ‘greatest hits of all time’ album. I searched for the album and was ecstatic that it was a song number under 12 and could fit into my Christmas project. I hadn’t forgotten what she said.

The following summer, Jenny and I both knew we would begin dating. In fact, we knew it would start pretty quickly once she got back from her trip to Romania. Before she left, I made sure to get the CD into my possession.

I can function my way around a guitar, but am not very musical. Adding that to being tone deaf (both of these things Jenny was astutely aware of) made anything musical I would attempt, romantic in the funny way, not the serious way, but the effort would speak for itself.

I downloaded the guitar cords for the song, and listened to it repeatedly, both learning the words, and how to play it. I sounded great in my head, and was confident in my room alone. Both things that I knew would leave from me when I attempted to play and sing in front of her. Fortunately, I knew charm was on my side to make up for all that I lacked musically.

I was with Jenny’s family as they picked her up from the airport. We went to dinner together at Applebee’s so all of us could hear her tell stories about her trip. She gave us all some gifts she had bought for us overseas (she still won’t play me chess on the chessboard she got me) and spent the evening telling stories.

After her parents went to bed, we began discussing our relationship more. I was excited as this was what I had been waiting 7 months for. I had high expectations for the evening, they included her interlacing her fingers in my hand, and me giving her a kiss on the cheek. (Young people read this, we waited 7 months to date after deciding we wanted to, and when we stared, we still didn’t kiss for quite a while. It was one of the healthiest things we ever could have done.) After establishing that we would begin dating, it was my time to shine.

I grabbed the guitar from my car and we sat on the stairs in her parent’s front yard. I proceeded to try and play the song, which I am sure went horribly, and attempted singing, which I know turned into me just saying the words when they lined up with where I was while playing it.

None of that mattered because the look in Jenny’s face, and the expression behind her smile spoke loudly that I was making her happy. It’s a look that lifts my esteem each time I get to see it. It’s that look that makes me remember the little things she says and does, in hopes that I can turn them into something special sometime.

In fact, I’ll probably see that look when she reads this, if she is near me, or when she has me read this to her, because she likes that.