Starting Somewhere (Again)

Three years ago I started a blog. Its initial post was titled "Starting Somewhere."

Here it is...

I don't know where i'm starting yet, but it's somewhere.

I am currently a youth pastor at a church in Minneapolis, but in 30 days, i am resigning from that job to start down a path of preparation. I'm excited to see how God molds me and what the process will look like, but slightly unsettled with the obscurity of process and control that are out of my hands.

Ultimately i want my life to be one of teaching and writing. I want to challenge and encourage people to grow further in their discipleship process with Christ.

I can't say exactly what any of it will look like, but the process is beginning. I am starting somewhere.

This blog will cover more than just a professional, or spiritual journey, though both of those things are deeply rooted in everything that is important to me, i would be neglecting the rest of the good of my life if i didn't also get to talk about my family and my bride.

No one may read this blog, but i'll enjoy remembering and thinking out loud with anyone who might find me.

Nathan.Kemper

It is time to again reflect on the professional and spiritual journey, as neither are where I hoped they would be at this point.

The professional journey is at this point, where I hoped it would be 5 months ago. I'm in talks with three churches about four different positions. Some of them full time, some of them part time, some of them completely volunteer. Two different young adult ministries, two different youth ministries. I thought I would be at this place 5 months ago, weighing options, dreaming of opportunities and ministry contexts in different places, praying for guidance in making decisions. I feel 5 months behind. It was a deeply discouraging 5 months.

I've spent 5 months questioning myself. Questioning my devotion to the discipline of ministry, questioning my obedience to a calling I feel placed on my life, and questioning those things as I balance out my obedience to marriage vows, and my calling to be a loving and providing husband. I'm still questioning. It would be nice if these professional things worked out in a way which met all of those needs, though my faith in believing for such a thing has seen both the peaks and the valleys in the last 5 months. Fortunately for my attitude, it is on the rise again.

Spiritually is another issue. I certainly don't feel like I've taken steps backwards in terms of faith, knowledge, or discipline. I've grown in many areas, been encouraged in many areas, been used in many areas, and stretched myself in many areas. I find strength and encouragement in that, not because it is what helps me gain favor, or is what gives me value, but because my own conscious demands satisfaction in using the things I've been given.

However, in some negative ways, my faith has "grown up." I don't know if faith is supposed to do that. I know Christ is the "perfecter" of our faith, and that I want a "mature" faith, but I don't want to leave the child-like faith i'm also supposed to have. This, I feel I've done too often.

3 years ago, the two people who were most vocal about me resigning from my job in a deterrent way were my wife and mentor. It was challenging for me. I found my strength then in the arms of God to do things I hoped I'd never have to do, convince them that they were wrong. There are few things in life I have ever been so sure about, and fewer that I would have argued tooth and nail against these opinions with. I was encouraged through that process that I may continue to be a person willing to step out in faith, not abstractly or randomly to prove myself, but in obedience to the things God has placed inside of me. These things are less frequent.

Instead, as I get "crazy" ideas now I rarely share them with others. I assume that people will disagree, assume that people will say no, assume that I can't get people to keep investing in the dreams I have, assume that I've used up all the good will I have with the network around me, assumed that my "grown up" faith needs to find more responsible ways of accomplishing dreams that God has placed inside me.

I wish my "grown up" faith could be mature, but still child-like, instead of leaving behind all the blind following, courage building, faith stretching obedience that it once had.

I'm starting somewhere again.