Another of the Four

I've told myself many times to live with certain expectation.  In a given year, I believe that I will teach 4 times that deserve an apology.  Just bad, incoherent teachings.  My guess is that 4 will also be on the other side of the spectrum, when everything comes together perfectly and smoothly in a way that stands beyond reason. 

Ultimately then, most of my teachings will fall in whatever is considered "normal" for me.

I believe this will happen when all other variables (preparation, excitement, health, etc) remain standard.

Tonight was one of the bottom 4.  I had prepared fine, understood my own material fine, but delivered it poorly tonight.  It felt off and unclear while I was delivering it, but I didn't know how to salvage that.  I left feeling bummed, probably more so than I should.  I knew I noticed, assumed everybody else did (they usually don't, or at least evaluate my relation to my norm different than me often enough that I don't care), and wanted a retry that won't be coming.

The comfort comes for me in the standard.  Until I get to more than 4 within a year, I'll simply move on tomorrow preparing for the next one.  No major concerns until the balance shifts and the norm is lowered.