Fat guy in a little coat

If you've seen "Tommy Boy" you know where my title comes from. Chris Farley (a larger man) puts on the coat of David Spade (a much smaller man) and starts to sing this weird song, trying to make him laugh, but inevitably, ripping his coat. It's funny. My life isn't.

I'm prideful and egotistic. I've been told by many people who know me well that this is something that I, and most men struggle with. I've also been prophesied over by people who encouraged my gifts from God, and warned me that pride would be the only thing that could get in my way. The last couple of weeks, pride has been winning. I find myself knowing that things are wrong in some of my key relationships, but too prideful to change that. I actually say to myself, "I don't want to be the bigger man, I know I'm right and they're wrong." Could I be more prideful? It has been an uphill battle. I've got logical arguments to defend why I'm prideful in each of these situations. I can argue myself into believing that I'm right.

What's more frightening, is that I know that I can see the problems where these relationship shifts have started (which is how I argue I am right) and I spend my time mad, instead of fixing problems. I've started to "hope" for things that no one should hope for, and started to judge people in ways that aren't fair to the character and integrity I know that they have.

Help me. If you know me, talk to God on my behalf as I struggle with a pride and ego that can cause such quick downfalls in my life. Pray that I will become more humble, and that in these "moments" I will see myself through Christ's lens and not my own.

Secondly, when/if you see me being prideful, talk to me courteously about it. Don't yell, and berate me, as I'll find ways to convince myself I'm right, but pull me aside and talk to me about my gifts, the kind of person I want to be, and what Christ wants from me in this situation.

I'm sorry if I've had any of these angry feelings towards you the last couple of weeks. Few if any of you would actually know it. But, regardless, I ask your forgiveness.

I have felt like someone with such a big head, trying to put on such a little coat. There is better for me.